Spy THE Mission - Chapter 2

[haranami]

Warning: Mentions of beheading, strangulation.

Location: Dormitory Library

<The following day.>

Eichi: ...I can’t find it.

How odd — I'm quite sure I left it here last night. Could someone have taken it…?

Keito: SO IT WAS YOU, EICHIIIIIIIIIIIIII!?

Eichi: Keito? What on earth happened for you to be so boisterous this early in the morning...?

Keito: Don't you “what on earth happened” meeee! What exactly is the meaning of this letter?!

Eichi: Letter…?

Let's see, “I've taken your doujinshi. If you want it back, come to the book room at noon”...?

…?

Keito: Don't you dare play dumb with me! Swear on the Buddha's name that you'll tell me the truth and explain yourself!

You bastard, you took my doujin— my “D” without permission, didn't you? You stole my D because you wanted to play around and see how I'd react, didn't you?!

You're absolutely incorrigible! As your childhood friend, I’ve overlooked all the trouble you’ve caused up until now, but you've tested my patience far too many times!

Sit down, Eichi! I'll behead you right here, right now...!

Kuro: Oi, oi. Calm down a lil', Hasumi no Danna. You look like Acala or some kinda demon or somethin'. Did Kanzaki's spirit come and possess ya? [1]

Eichi: Keito. That’s a facial expression an idol should never make. Look, Kiryuu-kun’s rather taken aback as well. Let’s discuss this more calmly, shall we?

Keito: I need you to take this seriously, Eichi! Having others see my D would be a fate worse than death…!

You’re going straight to Kuronawa hell! But don’t worry — I’ll still chant sutras for you! Although I doubt that they'll even be effective! [2]

Eichi: Didn’t I just say that we should discuss this calmly…? Now, what exactly is that letter?

Keito: What...? Do you really not know, Eichi?

I assumed that you were trying to pull another prank on me by leaving that letter in my room.

You’re certainly the only person I can think of who would do something like this.

Eichi: This is all a misunderstanding. It is true that I’ve borrowed and read your D in this book room countless times.

However, that was simply because I wanted to read it myself, not because I wanted to show it off to others.

Keito: Oi. Don’t confess your sins so nonchalantly.

…Well, I suppose this is better than hiding it. You planned on returning the D to my room afterwards, didn’t you?

Eichi: But of course. It wouldn’t be interesting at all to show it to other people. I simply hide it in the book room temporarily; I always retrieve it the next morning.

And then I calculate when you’ll leave your room and return it to your shelf when you aren't present.

But even so, you were far too careless, Keito. You desperately didn't wish for others to see them, and yet you chose to hide your D in a place as easily noticeable as your bookshelf.

Keito: Tch… I had no other choice.

We all have roommates now, and actively trying to hide the D would only have raised unnecessary suspicion. That’s why I decided to take a risk and simply leave it on my shelf.

Kuro: I don’t get why you’d have to hide your D or whatever in the first place. You made it yourself, right? Why don’t cha just show it off to people?

Keito: That D is my treasure. You wouldn’t like it either if someone stole away your sister and exhibited her to the whole world, would you? This is a similar situation.

Kuro: Ah, gotcha. I’m not really okay with you puttin’ her on the same level, but… I get what you’re tryna say.

Basically, Tenshouin did somethin’ kinda like tellin’ the whole world ‘bout your secret lovechild, huh? And that’s why you asked for my help so early in the morning, Danna.

Eichi: Ahaha! “Secret lovechild”! That's certainly an apt comparison.

Keito: Oi. Don’t say “lovechild” — you’re going to stir up unwanted misunderstandings.

Kuro: C’mon, it’s just an example. Don’t take it too seriously.

I don’t really get the situation now, though. If Tenshouin wasn’t the one who left that letter, how’d it get into your room?

Eichi: You’re in the wrong for getting mad at me, you know. Couldn’t you at least apologize a little?

Keito: Absolutely not. I assumed it was you because you enjoy making fools out of people. You need to reflect on this.

In any case, the letter had already been left by my pillow by the time I woke up. It would be utterly unimaginable for anyone other than Eichi to have done this.

Eichi: …Actually, this might be Mikejima-kun’s doing.

Keito: Is there a reason why you think so?

Eichi: Yes, I met him in the book room yesterday night. He noticed me hurriedly trying to hide the D; he may be using it to play a trick on us.

Keito: It’s certainly possible that Mikejima did this. He's never been particularly fond of you.

Eichi: However, it truly is quite perplexing. Why on earth would Mikejima-kun endanger himself in such a way?

It seems to be all loss, no gain — or perhaps I should say that there was no need for him to stick his nose into this at all.

Kuro: Maybe he just hates you so much, he couldn't take it anymore?

I dunno the details, but back during MDM, you worked so hard to increase Alkaloid's popularity you wound up in the hospital.

Eichi: And you believe that’s similar to the deeds I’ve committed in the past?

…I don’t quite think you’ve hit the nail on the head yet. Everything I did was simply part of my strategy to help ES survive and become a rising force in the industry.

I wanted to assert the fact that, in such a situation, idols like Alkaloid are what we need.

Additionally, Mikejima-kun himself once collaborated with Alkaloid.

If he wanted to denounce me, there surely would have been other ways to do so. I doubt that his motive would be so simple.

…At any rate, we certainly won’t get anywhere by merely making conjectures about his feelings.

Above all, communication with the culprit is needed. The letter says, “Come to the book room at noon”... Say, why don’t you let me handle this matter?

I am the one who started this mess, and luckily, today happens to be Eichi Day.

Additionally, because I’ve only just gotten out of the hospital, I have quite a few breaks scheduled in — I can certainly be more generous with my time than Keito can.

Keito: No. I’m absolutely sure that nothing good will come out of leaving this to you. There’s simply no other option than to take care of it myself.

I need to attend a lunch meeting with the RhythLink executives later today, but I won’t be able to eat my food in peace unless this matter concerning my D is settled.

Kuro: C’mon, I’ve been tellin’ you to calm down a little. You’ve gotta prioritize the meetin’ and stuff, Hasumi no Danna.

Eichi: Hmm, so you’re choosing to side with RhythLink? You’re leaving me all alone?

Keito: What are you, a child? I don’t report to you.

Additionally, it’s a bit complicated, position-wise. It appears that the RhythLink higher ups who have been keeping an eye on your ES movie enterprise plan are consulting each other about giving one of the agency’s younger idols a significant promotion in a drama or movie.

RhythLink has been a rather well-established name in the movie and music industries for a while now; they’re currently stuck in something of a dilemma, ruminating over whether they should pick an agency veteran or a fresh face.

Eichi: Ah, are you referring to Fist of the Shangri-La Idol? I attended the advance screening that was held, and it appears that the movie immediately received good reviews. The prospect of a new project is already on the table.

Keito: Good grief. You weren’t directly involved this time, but you're still leading me around by the nose — you always have been. I thought I’d be free from all this politicking after I left the Student Council but, on the contrary, I’ve been inundated with it.

Eichi: Ahaha. How very like you ♪ No matter where you go, you simply can’t escape your fate of always helping others.

Keito: You’re the last person I want to hear that from.

Kuro: Anyways, you go and prioritize all of that stuff, Hasumi no Danna.

I’ll handle this D thing for you. If you weren't around, Akatsuki probably wouldn't have been able to keep up with the other bigshots in RhythLink — there's so many of 'em, after all.

So if Akatsuki’s general is in a pinch ‘cause of his personal affairs, there’s no way I could leave him alone.

Keito: Forgive me. I’m causing trouble for you, Kiryuu.

If my idiotic childhood friend does anything strange, feel more than free to punch him in the gut. If the situation calls for it, you can even strangle him.

Kuro: Haha. I don’t really wanna be a murderer at this age.

Sure, I got into a lotta fights back when I was a lil’ rascal of a kid… But I think I’ve grown outta doing stuff like hurting people for my own convenience.

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Translation notes:

1. Acala, protector of the Dharma, is an important figure particularly in Japanese Buddhism. He’s known for his expression of “extreme wrath.” 

2. There are 8 major levels of hell in Japanese Buddhism; Kuronawa hell is for thieves, amongst other offenders.